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Unlike many adult children, however, Stephanie invited her boyfriend, Alex, to join her. The good-humored Ms. McGurk embraced the idea wholeheartedly. “I was happy they moved here and not Delaware, where he’s from,” she said.
Welcome to parenthood in 2010. Of course, parents of adult children face all types of challenges, even in the best of times. These days, though, they have to help their offspring cope with a tough job market and, often, debt from credit cards and student loans.
Many parents are also worried about their own jobs, shrinking home values and fading retirement dreams. That is a lot to handle. But with a bit of preparation, parents can prevent themselves from flying off the handle every time they see their child idling on the sofa watching “Family Guy.”
These are particularly difficult times for people in their 20s, who had a 12.5 percent unemployment rate in September, compared with 9.2 percent for the general population on a nonseasonally adjusted basis, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics.
“The labor market has been a disaster for young people,” according to Andrew Sum, a professor of economics and the director of the Center for Labor Market Studies at Northeastern University. Not only is it difficult for young people to find work, he said, but “40 percent of college graduates under 25 who have jobs are mal-employed, meaning they’re working at jobs that don’t require college degrees.” That is up from 30 percent in 2000.
Stephanie McGurk, who majored in environmental studies, eventually took a job as a nanny. On Oct. 15, four months after she had moved home, she and Alex, who landed a job in his field of graphic design, found a small rental in Burbank, Calif.
Not all young people are able to transition as smoothly. As a result, parents are improvising as they find themselves in the role of life coach, career counselor, financial adviser, real estate agent and pseudo-psychologist for their adult children. Here are some tips:
EXPECT CHILDREN TO MOVE HOME It no longer has the same stigma. One in five people aged 25 to 34 lives in a multigenerational household, typically with their parents, according to a study released this year by the Pew Research Center. That figure has nearly doubled since 1980.
A survey released last month by Twentysomething, a market research firm, found that 85 percent of those graduating last spring planned to move back home, up from 67 percent as recently as 2006. Even when children get jobs, parents should encourage them to continue living at home — at least as long as everyone can tolerate it, some personal finance experts say. Money that would have been spent on rent could be saved, or used to pay off credit cards and student loans.
DO NOT SACRIFICE TOO MUCH If children move back home, it is reasonable to have them contribute in some way, said Ann Diamond, a financial counselor in New York City. “If they’re making enough money, you can ask them to pay some rent,” she said.
Otherwise, agree on responsibilities, like making dinner a few nights a week or doing the laundry. Most important, parents should not put their own financial security at risk, experts say. “I see too many parents, especially mothers, helping out grown children when they should be squirreling away more money for their own retirement,” said Cindy Hounsell, president of the Women’s Institute for a Secure Retirement, a nonprofit organization in Washington.
DO NOT MICROMANAGE CAREERS Parents should make it clear to their children that they are expected to be moving toward financial independence and give them a specific time frame to get a job, experts say. It is a good idea, however, to resist pointing out that their hopes of becoming rock stars, poets or even Internet entrepreneurs may not be realistic.
“Instead of saying you have to compromise on your dream job, let them figure this out by themselves,” said Ms. McGurk. She added that she and her husband had let their daughter and houseguest know that their comfortable arrangement was not intended to be indefinite. “Right now there aren’t too many jobs available in the fair trade, natural food movement, dealing with indigenous farmers in L.A.,” she joked, referring to her daughter’s college major.
HELP WITH FINANCIAL PLANNING Even if the subject of personal finance terrifies parents, it is a good idea to confront it for their children’s sake. Ms. Diamond suggested that parents sit down and talk through their basic monthly expenses, including cellphone charges, credit card debt and car insurance. Introducing a Web site like mint.com to assist with budgeting, debt repayment and savings goals can help a parent avoid being the one doing the nudging.
“It’s a rude awakening for many people recently out of school,” said Ms. Diamond. “But you need to start the conversation and talk to them like adults.”
HAVE THE DEBT TALK The average college student leaves school with more than $4,000 in credit card debt and $24,000 in student loan debt. It is wise for parents to make sure that children know the rates on their student loans and credit cards, and that they should pay the highest interest debts first.
Parents should not co-sign credit cards for their children because the parents’ credit score will most likely drop if the child misses just one payment, finance experts say. Also, have them find out if they are eligible for the government’s Income-Based Repayment plan, which can reduce the cost of their federal student loans significantly. Try finaid.org and ibrinfo.org.
If your children need money for graduate school, steer them to the federal Graduate Plus loan program, which charge a fixed rate of 7.9 percent. That may be lower than many private student loans. Go to studentaid.ed.gov.
CONSIDER HEALTH INSURANCE Grown children may want help in paying off their car loans, but if money is tight, springing for their health coverage is a better idea. Under the new Obama health care rules, you may already be allowed to cover your children under 26 years old on your policy, whether they live at home or not. (Check state laws, too. New Jersey, for example, allows parents’ policies to cover their children through age 30.)
LET THEM DEFINE SUCCESS More young people are pursuing nontraditional paths because of the abysmal job market. (Applications to the Peace Corps, for example, were up 18 percent last year, the highest since 1998.)
After graduating from high school in 2008, Zach Cooper trained at the French Culinary Institute in New York City for a year and then went to college. After his freshman year, he told his parents that he was not returning to school because he had been offered a full-time job as a line cook at Morandi, a Keith McNally restaurant in New York.
His mother, Lynn Sonberg, was not thrilled at first. “I wanted him to have the luxury of a period of intellectual exploration,” she said. But she is proud of his achievement. “He’s almost financially independent at age 20 at doing something he loves,” she said, “and that’s a blessing.”
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